I'm reaching down deep...

I havent blogged in a while but tonight i really feel the need to express myself. Please don't read this post and feel like you need to console me or ask me if i'm alright. I'm ok, just have a few things to get off my chest and out of my head. I'm tired of dealing with it on my own. We all get that way, right? Sometimes i feel like i'm the only one... I feel like a failure of a mother, like i dont give my child the attention she needs or i dont parent her as well as she deserves. Every time i look into her eyes i see the world, She is everything to me but i know i wasnt ready for her. I dont regret having her in the least bit but sometimes i think my not being ready is going to end up hurting her in the long run. I do my best but it'll never be enough for that perfect little baby. I have a minumum wage job and no education, yeah what a great mom i am. Disappointment is more like it. I just want to make her proud of me. I wish i could go back to school and do what it takes to be the best mommy i can be. I love her more than my life, i hope she doesnt turn out like me. She and her daddy deserve more than what im giving them. My husband deserves a better wife. Someone that can do everything for him, give him the love he deserves. I know i dont do good enough but i try. Sometimes i feel like saying "im trying" is just me making excuses. I love my life and the people in it, i just wish some things had happened differently. But they are what they are and i wouldnt change them, because i love my daughter and i love my husband and i know they love me and i just want to make them proud. I feel like ive done nothing but let people down my whole life. I wish my own parents could say they were proud of me, i know they'll say they are but how can they be? I'm a 20yr old married mother with no education and no money. Yeah, im a real record breaker for best daughter. Can't talk to anyone about it, cause i know everyone just thinks im feeling sorry for myself. Not the case. Just venting a little bit, but im not sure where to start to change it all. Hmm.